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Old Patterns, New Inspirations

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Sometimes they tell you the Lord is doing his best work, but often it feels like He's on his lunch break. You try and move forward, find a new distraction, only to find yourself stuck in a rut. You try and include new people, new routines, new habits, and new ventures. No, it didn't move anything. We either change, wait to be changed, or never change at all -- which is not chosen by us alone, but we can certainly prepare ourselves for when it happens. 

I met with a man who was stuck in his old patterns. We briefly dated three years ago, and at the time, we were both in one of those ruts, where you're screaming for something to change, but are yet to develop new methods to do so. Several times he'd tried to get into contact since I ended communication and I'd refused him, unable to let go what he had made me feel. It was his fault! He was the problem! No, that's not true. We both contributed to the problem -- no relationship break is one-sided. There's always something you could have done differently, or something you shouldn't have done.

Recently, I allowed contact, mostly out of curiosity for what he wanted. My pain from the situation had subsided, I had acknowledged my own faults in the situation, and was able to seek if I might help him. Did I hold a key that he needed to move forward? I'd resolved my issues, and maybe I could supplement his with something new to think about. God asks us to befriend the injured, and empower them towards Him. And this person has asked in the past if he could attend church with me, when this wasn't something he'd ever found interest in.

I met with him. While there was only slight apology for his previous behaviour, there was full acknowledgement he hadn't handled things well. He wanted someone to listen, understand his being currently hurt by another person for comfort without commitment, meanwhile hinting he wanted someone new. My advice was clear: after 2 years of confusion, they had to make their intentions clear. If someone can't be blunt about how they feel, then they are not ready for a relationship.  I felt protective, hearing him say that he didn't think she wanted a relationship, but that she was upset after snooping on his phone, finding out we were going to catch up for a discussion. If she was feeling that insecure, I wondered what else had occurred to start that cycle. How can you act so casual about someone if they are becoming that serious for you?

The same old patterns. In the relationship together, we'd had the same holding pattern. I'd wanted more seriousness and he'd told me he wasn't interested in it.  Listening to him talking about her made me realise the things he would have felt about me, when he was in the same place this other woman currently was. This would have been my fate had I not walked away and neither he nor I had changed. It was as we compared notes that we realised we had both changed so much. He was now focused on wanting to invest in a friendship-based relationship, where I had stopped being so clingy and needed definitions of everything. We'd both moved forward so much in the past few years following our own paths.

As I looked him over, I felt proud that I had grown up, given up negative emotions, disallowed such casual connection, and grown up with a functional idea of relationships. I wondered if the talk about attending church had validity to it.

I used to feel I wasn't good enough for him. Some of that was self-imposed, and some was backed up by his inability to love me at that stage. But now, I was beyond this defeatism. He now realised he'd lost a beautiful butterfly in me, and he'd accidently pulled one of my wings off, but I had grown armour to prevent that now. No, he would not be doing that again. Let him hover with me, watching me enjoy my own company, joyful in how much I've transformed and how much God has directed my progress. I'd had a hunger for growth and I developed in turn.

At he same time, without pain we do not move. I was grateful we could spend time viewing each other's progress and new challenges. We reveled in the fact that we'd help each other get to the next steps in life, be it positive or negative. I wanted the best for him. We agreed to catch up again, to further inspire each other and compare notes.

I'd like to hope this will continue a joyful experience. . .

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