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Closing In


Sometimes we see life as this novel that never ends. But really, it's the chapters that help us divide where we are in the plot, what we feel about the characters, and what we'd like to happen in the further sections. This is how life has developed for me lately. I'm sitting right on the last page of the previous chapter, about to start the new chapter, but unsure what I expect from the new segment of my life.

It's now the eve of the launch party, with many dilemmas addressed and assessed. Which to worry first? Which are easily resolved? At the same time, thankful my guitarist has had my back from the moment I asked for his assistance. Having never planned a party before, I didn't know what could go wrong and how to maintain the equilibrium towards the event. One musician ragequit due to differences in style and content of a song, technical difficulties, and COVID affecting one of the primary guest speakers. It's really a balancing act in these things, plates spinning on the end of rods, slowing and speeding up based on the attention you pay them. As we get closer to time, I feel the plates all trying to slow down at the same time, all needing my effective attending.

As a new chapter starts, we also have to determine which characters will remain in our lives and which leave. One is destined to discontinue next chapter, I feel. He's not able to comprehend my mission and doesn't choose to be involved. There are also the need for strong decisions in my life moving forward, and their procrastination seeming to interfere with that. As much as I love this friend, I know that sometimes we can't take people on the journeys we are destined for. Their input would just be destructive or disruptive.

At the same time, new characters have entered my life who are preparing to make new impacts that maybe I need to know. One friend is my confidante, but also reminiscent of an annoying brother. No, I can't say that. It's a mutual annoyance. We spent time with each other, looking to support but also to entertain the other. Each challenge we find in each other we press into in an attempt to help the other consider a new perspective. One such event was taking in a sushi restaurant together, him sharing all the social and dining faux pas that are committed by so many patrons. I was fascinated to know that placement of chopsticks and table placements can divide between polite and disrespectful. In return for his mastery in chopstick usage, I challenged him to eat tiny candy using those alone. He succeeded eventually. There is always something for everyone to learn -- even if it's the obscure or not knowledge-based.

I consider all the work I have left to prepare for the social media launch and I'm nervous. That said, it's come to my attention that maybe I've tackled this wrong. I kept praying for courage, but it's more than that. Fear never goes away -- we are genetically created to react to it. Instead, I'm learning that we do things because we know we are best to act on the event or situation, not because we have the most courage. How do you even measure who is more courageous anyway, when our thresholds and sensitivies are all so different from another person?

My new friend reminds me that weirdness is one of my talents, that I can take people by surprise and make them question their certainties because I'm not created like everyone else. This isn't an element of conceit, but realisation that people can't speak for me. They haven't been in my shoes. If I allowed someone to speak for me, that would be disingenuous because I know they wouldn't share it my way or from my worldview. Words were given to humans for this purpose -- to all humans, not just distinct persons.

As the hours tick by, now just 5 days to go, I focus on what I have to offer, not what panic or issues that could affect the success of the launch. That said, at this point, we're so organised there is little chance of letting anyone down. Even if I just have time for a few videos, it will still be a suitable amount of content. I don't have to launch with a plethora, just enough that people can get started on the journey I present. I'll have an additional week before media publication anyway.

Lord, here goes nothing. Be ready to catch me and display me as you see fit. 

You're So Vain
Take A Deep Breath