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You're So Vain

I never thought I'd meet anyone with a personality so unappealing, yet so vain. A person who had left my life, who during after-thought I realised was not intended for me, lacked values, and had overall succumbed to the pitiful excuses others made for them. Yes, this was a powerless person who couldn't pay for my attention. That's what hurt him the...
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Fear Removed

Fears are within all of us. Sometimes they disappear fast, and other times, they take decades. For me, it was one of my biggest hauntings that had held on for many years. When I was seven, I remember a friend of my neighbours' had a baby. They said I could  hold him. He wriggled, which I wasn't prepared for. He rolled off my lap, his head...
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Medicine Without a Bottle

In society there is a belief that everything has a cure. Take this pill, do this activity or be this type and everything will be okay. Have tough skin and you'll survive. Don't talk about it and you'll get over it. This isn't really the case, is it? One such friend had this issue. Their family was the out of sight, out of mind types. There wasn't a...
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Community Centred

Socialising is not as easy as it seems sometimes, with society made up of so many pockets that have their own culture, ways of doing things, and individual things to know about each person and how they communicate. It could take a lifetime to earn these slices of knowledge, or it might never happen. As I venture further away from the bubble and dee...
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Old Patterns, New Inspirations

Sometimes they tell you the Lord is doing his best work, but often it feels like He's on his lunch break. You try and move forward, find a new distraction, only to find yourself stuck in a rut. You try and include new people, new routines, new habits, and new ventures. No, it didn't move anything. We either change, wait to be changed, or never chan...
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Sudden Friends

Some experiences never get easy, it seems. Mostly the ones that are heart-charged or mentally draining. Sometimes it's the combination of the two. As if one of these segments of self being injured isn't enough! Today was one of those days. I returned to the church ex invited me to, after two weeks of isolation. Normally I avoid ex's as it's too har...
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There is no measurement of a successful lockdown, so I wish to write my own. In my 10 days of isolation I've lost 6.5 kilos, started a new eating plan, avoided junk food (no Uber allowed!), refined friendships and deleted some, planned my new social life, and grieved the relationship I lost on the day that isolation started. I'd say this was a succ...
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All Things Must Come To An End

It's been a long time since I've written, and that's partially because I was off having a normal life, where it didn't feel very eventful. However, fate -- or whatever you believe in -- has a humourous way of changing things quickly, and we are back where we started, only slightly advanced. My job as an SSO ended due to funding, with three of us ha...
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Defining Honour

The word 'honour' appears so many times in the bible, in many contexts. It appears in wedding vows. Yet, this popular word doesn't seem to translate to today's relationships often. Of all the relationships I've been in, only one honoured who I was. He was there for me when my baby (fluffly little dog) died, he was my best friend for years before th...
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I'm back!

After much deliberation, I've decided I'm ready to share my life again. There's been a lot of soul-searching while I've been gone, and now I'm prepared to highlight how far I've progressed based on where I started.  So much has changed!
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Spiritual Marriage

And like that, 2020 ended, leaving us with hopes that the new year would be different. One month in, and it is for me. Funnily enough, none of it has anything to do with COVID, but by being baptised. Amusingly, when people told me it would change my life, I didn't actually believe it. How could one day make a huge difference in my life? Why would I...
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Almost Shifted

Less than a fortnight until baptism. It's a pivotal moment in life. Soon I'll be officially God's and the temptations are going to disappear -- right? Yeah, if only it worked that way. Over the last several weeks, it's been a trying time. Things haven't gone to plan, temptations afoot, and my greatest challenges have been in the forefront. Some bel...
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God Vs. Him

Breakups are like bruises. The first few days you feel surging with power. You have energy to pack their things away, remove their photos from your phone, and with gusto assert you were the wronged party. But then, as days forge on, the marks appear, and you realise the extent of the damage. Some people believe that relationships are easy come, eas...
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Reflection: Fade to Black

   When we're in the pit of despair, it's easy to choose the less effective path, or sway our decisions to give us temporary relief. We might want to give in to someone, give up what we've asserted, or revert whatever we've caused. It's easy to do -- just go backwards. However, what are we doing to ourselves? Prolonging pain? Betraying ou...
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Horrified on Halloween

I always thought halloween was meant to be about frights from horror films and costumes, but mine is one of emotional horror. There's a scary thing about growing up. Sometimes making new choices means people you loved dearly don't fit your life. Today is that day for me. I didn't mean to change, have new choices, or see myself in a new light, but i...
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White Rabbit Returns

Lately it feels like life has not given me the right direction -- the plans I make are refusing to stick -- but it's afforded me clarity on many things. Places in my heart I need to search for, things I need to achieve, and where my skillset needs polishing. The best laid plans can always be disrupted, however, the alternate journey might be more u...
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Darkness Personified

Today's subject I need to talk about symbolically, as it's something close to my heart and can't be readily shared. In past I have shared too much and out of respect for those involved, I wish to keep it cryptic. When the borders opened I was so excited for my significant other to finally visit from Sydney. It had been two months since we'd seen ea...
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Dear Church

​Dear Pastor and church friends, It's time to talk about some things that I need you to be aware of. Maybe your help will give me options, but at this point I think I have to leave you. This is the full story – unedited – and I share it because I need protection and understanding when I disappear. Some of you know some of this story, but this ...
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